Party Bags? Balderdash!

Party bags and the grumpy Headmaster (who never used to get one when he was a boy!)

The end to this term is all about celebration; we celebrate every child at the end of term and why on earth not?  We do not invent talents, strengths or achievements but identify, acknowledge and celebrate them with openness, transparency and joy. 

I do not subscribe to the modern phenomenum of receiving a prize simply for turning up.  What happened to the good old birthday party when the only child receiving a present was the child whose birthday it was?  What message does this send?  Answer: "You should get used to and therefore expect to be given a present when you attend someone's birthday party"!  This is the fuel of tantrums, of greed, of materialsim, of plastic values.

The generation of children growing up today is the most pampered, over-indulged, materially spoilt and emotionally smothered generation in the life of mankind.  What are we doing?  What will be the consequences? 

All parents consciously or unconsciously strive to be better parents than their own parents were.  We use our own childhood as a model and try either to aspire to match it (if we feel that we received the best upbringing possible) to improve upon it (if we feel that our parents could have done a better job or if circumstances allow us different opportunities) or to ignore it (if we feel that we know a better way).  Whichever way you look at it the consequence is a determination to do as much as possible, to be the best parent possible, to give our children the best possible start to life, the best education, the best home, the best of everything.  Nothing wrong there; I agree with all that but how far do you take it?  What does "the best" mean?  Who decides what the best start to life is?  Who judges you on the how good your home is?  Who hands out prizes to the "Best Parent in Breed" category? 

In our attempt to provide the best possible upbringing for our children we reveal human nature not always at its best; some parents can become overly competitive; they seek to outdo other parents, try to lavish as much of everything upon their children as possible in order to prove to the outside world that they are not being complacent or negligent parents.  Unless we are very, very careful, our children, who are looking on and learning from our every word, deed and gesture, will log our behaviour, store it away and then refer to it when it is time for them to bring up their own children!  If that in itself is not worrying enough, remember that in their turn, they will try to outdo their parents; us!

So, in years to come, when our children are grown up, and they are invited to grown-up dinner parties, what will be the accepted code of practice?  Will guests still arrive with a bunch of flowers for the hostess and a bottle of wine for the host?  Or will they arrive empty handed and expect to leave with the flowers and wine instead?

James Marjoribanks

Headmaster, father, grumpy not-so-old man, defender of the humble pass-the-parcel, detractor of the Party Organiser and a founding member of the back-to-basics-do-it-yourself-not-very-expensive-but-hugely-worthwhile-you'd-be-surprised-how-much-you-enjoy-once-you've-done-it-party.  Well, founding member is not exactly true...........only member would be more accurate!